See You In Arizona Bay May 18, 2007
Posted by rosolio in Chicago, Immigration, Los Angeles.add a comment
CHICAGO – I should probably explain myself.
I had decided I wasn’t going to go even before I’d gotten the letter admitting me to law school. A ferocious reshuffling of priorities in the first few months of 2005 left me considering the possibility that if I became a lawyer, I’d never get the chance to write a movie. It was always one of those things that was on its permanent backburner, behind the other backburners, in another kitchen, really. But I knew that I’d been thinking about writing and performing comedy since I left college and the sketch group that brought me back from the dead, and that it wasn’t likely to stop once I picked up the books and headed to court. I wrote a sketch during the LSAT, for the love of christ (for the record, of the 22 questions I missed on the LSAT, 19 of them were on the section where the sketch was born. And yes, it killed), how was I ever going to give up on this? As relationships fell apart and people I knew as mentors literally died around me, I decided that living with regret was the worse possible thing in the world.
So I concluded that bailing on the bizarre, impractical Dream was impossible and decided to give It a shot. But the grind of waiting tables and praying to God, Allah, Krishna, and whoever else that someone saw my standup set that is the lifestyle of New York and Los Angeles wasn’t my scene. Long story short, I moved to Chicago and picked up with the Second City Conservatory, working with directors and ridiculously funny people and finding some way to pay the rent. I locked myself in with complete and utter tunnel-vision, totally ignoring any thoughts of what the next decade or year or month was going to be like. I did a bunch of shows on the various stages at SC and a few others around Chicago and had a great time. I could have stayed here forever.
But that wasn’t the next step. I ended up with an audition and a callback for a sketch show in Los Angeles, and before my last show at Second City was cold, I landed a job as a writer…in LA.
The bane of my existence, the place the great Bill Hicks called Arizona Bay…I’ll soon call it home. I was going to go through all that stuff that so many people have gone through before: the search for an agent, the traffic, football games at ten o’clock in the morning. Amidst all the other people trying to Live the Dream, I was going to blend in like egg nog ice cream, which I once ate under the false pretense that it was vanilla. So we’re underway.
Still in Chicago and I might get the call to move at any minute. I’m guessing June. I’ll document it in full…
A few random things:
-Immigration bill looks like it’s going to work out. I think it seems fair, I’ve already heard a few people angry that they’re fining the illegals $5k as part of their trek to citizenship. Well, they’ve been in this country for awhile and haven’t paid taxes. Also, there’s that whole thing about ‘illegal’ immigrant; they’re criminals according to our government. Al Capone’s empire came crumbling down because of tax evasion, five grand isn’t a thing. I would like to hear alternatives from anyone who disagrees with the bill or my assessment that it’s more than fair, not to start a fight, but because I’m open to listen. That’s how conversations work, despite what CNN and other media outlets want you to think.
-Jerry Falwell’s dead this week, and it’s about time. I’m tired of famous people becoming 
saints after they die, especially people who are famous for being terrible human beings. Falwell said the United States deserved 9/11 because of all the athiests, gays, minorities and tits on TV. His sermons led people to agree with his sentiments that the Civil Rights movement was the worst thing that has ever happened to this country. Falwell was a terrorist, no better than a low-ranking Klansman who harrasses black families in suburban neighborhoods. Every time part of you wants to show some remorse for his recent passing, remember that if he had his way, black people would be calling him “massah”, gay people would be on fire, the 700 club would be the only show on TV, and if you are Jewish, Muslim, atheist, Buddhist or just not Christian enough, you’d be dead. I think he was a horrible guy, you’re entitled to your opinion (oh, he wouldn’t want that either).
Common Sense Man: Viewer Discretion Advised January 19, 2007
Posted by rosolio in Common Sense, Immigration, Racism, TV.add a comment
Viewer Discretion Advised
Haven’t gotten anything out there in a while, but then again nothing has gotten me wound up enough to rant about. I have no idea if that sentence is grammatically correct, but I’m not going back to edit it. I don’t want to. There it is.
Muslim groups and Islamic-American watchdog organizations are all bent out of shape about this season of 24, saying they are concerned that it is painting a bad picture of arabs. In an actual quote, a spokesman said: “After watching that show, I was afraid to go to the grocery store because I wasn’t sure the person next to me would be able to differentiate between fiction and reality.” This person is a preening blowhard. Can’t differentiate between TV and reality? Angry that it’s painting a bad picture? The people who are going to be influenced by things they see on TV aren’t going to be by a fictional show that says Viewer Discretion Advised at the beginning. If anything, I don’t know, they might be influenced by the sectarian violence and anti-americanism going on in the middle east. While I’m not in favor of singling out ethnic groups and making sweeping judgements, it is a statement of fact that every IED in Iraq was designed and placed by a muslim gentleman with the intentions of killing an american soldier. So if I’m going to be a small minded thug and say that all muslims are out to kill me, I’m going to get my information from the news…reality…, not 24. It is equally small minded and stupid to be unable to differentiate between the lunatics (yes, lunatics) in the middle east who danced in the streets on 9/11 and the american citizens who happen to be from one of these countries. While it is a statement of fact that sleeper cells may exist, 99.99999999% of the muslims in this country are good people. It’s like any other religion, you’ve got your fundamentalist, every-word-literally nutjobs everywhere. 24 is not saying that all muslims are terrorists, but all jihadists are arabs. Just like every militant doctor-shooting pro-lifer is a Christian.
This wouldn’t make me so mad if 24 wasn’t GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY TO PROVE THE POINT THAT ARABS ARE GETTING A BAD RAP FOR THIS! For Christssake, you letter-writing xenophobes, there’s a whole storyline following the mistreatment of a member of an Islamic-American Anti-Defimation group! It’s making your goddamn point for you! They’re just angry that a show is doing more to dictate what jingoism can actually do than these watchdog group’s pamphlets. Watch the show before you whip out your pen and get all pissed. Plus, if you recall, the last time there was a muslim-related terrorist attack (season 2), there was an evil white capitalist who was really to blame in the background!
24’s not racist; these letter-writers are. Morons. Same idiots who wrote angry letters about Borat being anti-semetic. Nothing to do with religion, race or whatever. Everything to do with assholes who want to get their picture in front of the camera. Imbeciles who shout at the top of their lungs about “Not wanting our children to see a difference between people” while at the same time demanding kids become indoctrinated in traditions that make them “proud to be different.” Don’t look at us differently, but we’re going to be different. Cake and eating it. Don’t hold a PTA meeting because a kindergartener asks a jewish classmate why he’s wearing a yarmulke. EXPLAIN IT, DON’T PANIC!
Don’t get upset about things you don’t understand, don’t assume that fiction (which happens to mirror reality) is going to paint a bad picture of you, and don’t keep shoveling coal into this engine of racism. That’s all these watchdog groups do; make people sit down and study the cosmetic differences between people. Oh no, we didn’t have an Asian person in our miller lite commercial. Are we saying that Asian people don’t like miller lite? Quick, photoshop one in there. Bam, a person becomes a ‘one’.
These are the same idiots who go to Kenya and go “Wow, look at all the minorities.” It’s the same people who don’t want anyone to say Christmas tree, but instead Holiday tree. The tree is linked to Christmas! It’s a Christian holiday! I’m not a Christian, but I call it a goddamn Christmas tree because that’s what it is! What, are you fooling people when you say Holiday tree? Is there someone out there who’s going, “So, when the oil for the lanterns in the desert lasted an unexpected 8 days and 8 nights, there was a temperate PINE TREE IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM?!?” The people who are so terrified of saying something offensive or racist are incredibly racist and offensive because they’re recognizing lines that can’t cross, which does little more than highlight the lines themselves. Stop seeing the lines and all of this goes away.
I HATE stupid people. Or maybe I just think I do because of the ones I’ve seen on TV.
Howard Smead for President October 31, 2006
Posted by rosolio in Genius, Immigration, Politics.add a comment
I always do my best to remain as nonpartisan as possible when discussing election tactics because I personally believe that it’s a ridiuclous dog and pony show fought ferociously unfairly by both sides. Unfortunately, I was a student of Howard Smead.
I expect various campaign extremists to jump on their podiums, soap-boxes, and stationary tractors to cry blasphemy and paint the opposition as a satan-worshipping, cattle-raping lush. But not the president of the United States, especially not while China is stepping up to the plate with North Korea, a proposed border wall has made people very unhappy and, oh yeah, the bloodiest month in a four year old war is about to come to a close.
So strike number one was that the man has better things to do than to stump for his frat brothers and golf buddies. The real problem ties back to Smead’s Culture Wars, which this president is intentionally trying to incite. In recent campaign stops in Georgia and Texas, the president made the following remarks, as reported by the BBC:
“President George W Bush used campaign stops in Georgia and Texas to warn that election victory for the Democrats would mean “terrorists win and America loses”. Meanwhile, Vice-President Dick Cheney said insurgents in Iraq were increasing their attacks in order to influence the mid-term vote.” Voting against Bush’s team means you support Al-Qaeda and have a big, celebratory barbeque every year on 9/11, that’s basically what Bush is getting at. He’s using the “If you’re not with us, you’re against us” catchphrase to divide our own nation as well. Dick Cheney’s jaundiced remarks are less hateful, just more oblivious (for the record, I don’t believe for a second that Cheney believes what he says here; he’s way to smart of a man). This makes sense considering his party’s base is the uneducated and oblivious. To think that the insurgents in Iraq give a flying fuck about our elections is complete narcissistic insanity. Believe it or not, Al-Qaeda is not tuning in to The O’Reilly Factor for updates. In case you haven’t been following the war, or the history of islamist jihad, or even the history of fanatical religion in general, you’d understand that their mentality is even more “with us or against us” than our own leadership. There is only one true god, Allah, and all who follow false prophets will be destroyed. That’s the tagline for any fundamentalist religion; sub Jesus for Allah and you’ve got yourself the Westboro Baptist Church. Using the war to paint the democrats as terrorists is exploitative, and I wouldn’t be so pissed about it if I didn’t know that a few million people will vote next week with this exact message in mind, believing it wholeheartedly as they fumble with their TiVos to make sure they catch the finale of Blue Collar Tv.
Another great quote from the president: “If you listen carefully for a Democrat plan for success, they don’t have one. Iraq is the central front in the war on terror, yet they don’t have a plan for victory.” And what’s yours, Mr. President? Or are you still living in the fantasy world aboard that carrier where you so famously and prematurely declared “Mission Accomplished”?
It is an impeachable offense to deliberately try to divide the country. The last man to do that was Jefferson Davis. For the religiously minded, check out Caina in the Inferno to see where that crime stacks up against embezzlement, insider trading, and illegal wire-tapping.
Considering the alternative currently sitting in office has said that “When it comes to evolution, the jury’s still out”, maybe a satan-worshipping, cattle-rapist lush is just what we need.
