Please Judge November 28, 2007
Posted by rosolio in Politics, Racism, Terrorism, World.Tags: gibbons, islam, khartoum, muhammad, sudan, teddy bear
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In the words of the great Adam Carolla, “Every culture is beautiful and we cannot judge.”
I can hear the nasally sarcasm from the Prophet of North Hollywood already, and hope that this story makes its way across his desk at KLSX just so I can hear him explode with a rage similar to my own about this story. When you’re mad, you want other people to be mad, I think because angry people by themselves are assholes, but when there are many, angry people are just right.
The finest news source in the world, the BBC, released this morning the story of Gillian Gibbons. She’s a 54 year old teacher from Liverpool who heads a class in the Sudanese capital of Khartoum. She’s obviously not there for the cheesesteaks or the skiing; this is clearly a humanitarian effort. You look at a picture of this woman and know that she’d be really good at reading to kids. And then you see she’s going to jail.
And then you see why.
Naming teddy bears in the class, one of her students wanted to name a bear after himself. His name is Muhammad. Because Gibbons allowed it, she’s being charged with insulting religion, inciting hated, and showing contempt for religious beliefs. Here’s the rationale:
“… chapter 42, verse 11 of the Koran does say: “[Allah is] the originator of the heavens and the earth… [there is] nothing like a likeness of Him.”
This is taken by Muslims to mean that Allah cannot be captured in an image by human hand, such is his beauty and grandeur. To attempt such a thing is seen as an insult to Allah.” [from the BBC]
What I’m about to say is not an indictment of every Muslim on the planet, or every religious person on the planet, because I do know that not everyone who believes in something is crazy.
But I do know that the people who believe Gibbons is a criminal are. They’re completely insane. They’re cavemen. You know how I know? Because of the punishments for the crime: Six months in jail (think less Prison Break and more Ben Hur), a fine, or 40 lashes. They’re going to whip this woman like she gave Ramses the stink eye. Retro.
Situations like this separate the civilized people from the cavemen. Who seems less crazy:
“This is a disgraceful decision and defies common sense. There was clearly no intention on the part of the teacher to deliberately insult the Islamic faith,” said Secretary-General Dr Muhammad Abdul Bari, in a strongly-worded statement.
“We call upon the Sudanese President, Omar al-Bashir, to intervene in this case without delay to ensure that Ms Gibbons is freed from this quite shameful ordeal.”
Or…
“What has happened was not haphazard or carried out of ignorance, but rather a calculated action and another ring in the circles of plotting against Islam,” the Sudanese Assembly of the Ulemas said a statement. [both quotes from the BBC]
Calculated action?!? This woman moved to your third world country to help the next generation possibly shake that moniker, but is really coming in as an act of holy war? Don’t you get the impression that somewhere in the Sudanese assembly, or maybe it’s just the Fundamentalist Islam manual (copyright Penguin 632 c.e.), that you have a conversion chart, where thousands of actions in the left column each correspond with one line on the left: “Conspiring against Islam”? This sort of psychotic religious paranoia is reminiscent of another crazy guy with loyal followers and facial hair (though admittedly, a lot less).
If a court in Alabama did something like this, we’d revoke their statehood and ban the Crimson Tide from the BCS. But because the people signing up a humanitarian to get beaten for giving a teddy bear (not a pile of shit, but a cuddly, wuddly teddy bear) the most common name in that part of the world are a different color than us, we have to tread lightly, because then we might be called racists or jingoists. Isn’t it more racist to have a different set of moral rules for people, like we don’t hold them to the same standards as us? Isn’t part of getting past petty differences to treat people the same, and holding white, black, brown, and yellow (like the Simpsons) people accountable when they’re being crazy?
We like to call ourselves the beacon of morality in the world. We lose that if we don’t judge.
Ace man, back me up.
Howard Smead for President October 31, 2006
Posted by rosolio in Genius, Immigration, Politics.add a comment
I always do my best to remain as nonpartisan as possible when discussing election tactics because I personally believe that it’s a ridiuclous dog and pony show fought ferociously unfairly by both sides. Unfortunately, I was a student of Howard Smead.
I expect various campaign extremists to jump on their podiums, soap-boxes, and stationary tractors to cry blasphemy and paint the opposition as a satan-worshipping, cattle-raping lush. But not the president of the United States, especially not while China is stepping up to the plate with North Korea, a proposed border wall has made people very unhappy and, oh yeah, the bloodiest month in a four year old war is about to come to a close.
So strike number one was that the man has better things to do than to stump for his frat brothers and golf buddies. The real problem ties back to Smead’s Culture Wars, which this president is intentionally trying to incite. In recent campaign stops in Georgia and Texas, the president made the following remarks, as reported by the BBC:
“President George W Bush used campaign stops in Georgia and Texas to warn that election victory for the Democrats would mean “terrorists win and America loses”. Meanwhile, Vice-President Dick Cheney said insurgents in Iraq were increasing their attacks in order to influence the mid-term vote.” Voting against Bush’s team means you support Al-Qaeda and have a big, celebratory barbeque every year on 9/11, that’s basically what Bush is getting at. He’s using the “If you’re not with us, you’re against us” catchphrase to divide our own nation as well. Dick Cheney’s jaundiced remarks are less hateful, just more oblivious (for the record, I don’t believe for a second that Cheney believes what he says here; he’s way to smart of a man). This makes sense considering his party’s base is the uneducated and oblivious. To think that the insurgents in Iraq give a flying fuck about our elections is complete narcissistic insanity. Believe it or not, Al-Qaeda is not tuning in to The O’Reilly Factor for updates. In case you haven’t been following the war, or the history of islamist jihad, or even the history of fanatical religion in general, you’d understand that their mentality is even more “with us or against us” than our own leadership. There is only one true god, Allah, and all who follow false prophets will be destroyed. That’s the tagline for any fundamentalist religion; sub Jesus for Allah and you’ve got yourself the Westboro Baptist Church. Using the war to paint the democrats as terrorists is exploitative, and I wouldn’t be so pissed about it if I didn’t know that a few million people will vote next week with this exact message in mind, believing it wholeheartedly as they fumble with their TiVos to make sure they catch the finale of Blue Collar Tv.
Another great quote from the president: “If you listen carefully for a Democrat plan for success, they don’t have one. Iraq is the central front in the war on terror, yet they don’t have a plan for victory.” And what’s yours, Mr. President? Or are you still living in the fantasy world aboard that carrier where you so famously and prematurely declared “Mission Accomplished”?
It is an impeachable offense to deliberately try to divide the country. The last man to do that was Jefferson Davis. For the religiously minded, check out Caina in the Inferno to see where that crime stacks up against embezzlement, insider trading, and illegal wire-tapping.
Considering the alternative currently sitting in office has said that “When it comes to evolution, the jury’s still out”, maybe a satan-worshipping, cattle-rapist lush is just what we need.
Candidacy in Question October 23, 2006
Posted by rosolio in Obama, Politics, Racism.add a comment
The title character in Warren Beatty’s ‘Bulworth’ kicked off his campaign speeches with the easily digestible line: “We stand on the doorstep of a new millenium.” A lot of people saw the turn of the century that way, expecting everything to change. It is arguable that the terrorist attacks on September 11 did in fact change the world, but it didn’t really change America at all. If you want to argue it quantitative or qualitatively, the day-to-day in this country is exactly the same as it was in 1999. Sure, you can’t bring shampoo on a plane anymore (which is ridiculous), but once you reach your destination, the world is pretty much the same. The government has always been using illegal wiretaps and has always been viewed as corrupt or directionless. That’s just part of the deal. It doesn’t help exactly that the last two presidents have been textbook embodiments of everything their parties stand for: Clinton being the affirmative action, welfare state saxaphone playing smooth as cream cheese operator and George W. Bush being the money grubbing, one nation under god, anti-abortion good ole boy. These are of course exaggerations in terms, but not really in action. It is the stark polarity of these two men that have launched what acclaimed historian Howard Smead labled “a dangerously sectarian culture war.” We have red states, we have blue states, and each side thinks the other is stupid. Democracy in action.
The funny thing about the people who carry the placards and wear the buttons and write the letters and shout the slogans is that Clinton and Bush are incredibly similar. Both are old, rich white guys from Yale. Both subscribed to the country club law of taking care of their backers and special interest groups. They are the face of a nation that went from being the most socially progressive to the most culturally stilted. When you look at the politics of nations like England, Germany, China, and India, it almost looks like they’re in the future, like they have flying cars or something.
But on November 7th, we’ll know if we are indeed standing on the doorstep of change. On November 7th, Barack Obama will decide whether he’s going to make a run at the presidency in 2008.
The first effect of this is that the democrats won’t be forced to roll out Hillary Clinton to challenge the republicans, who will likely pass on too-secular John McCain and too-inexperienced Rudi Giuliani to wheel out another faceless republican clone like Bill Frist or George “Let’s Mock Some Indians” Allen. I honestly have not seen enough of Hillary to make an assessment of her capablities as a leader, and I refuse to jump on the bandwagon that claims it’ll just be a third term for Bill. The part that troubles me about Mrs. Rodham is that she’s a carpetbagger, having moved to New York to claim the Senate. I think she wants to be President, but doesn’t want any of the control or responsibility.
The second effect is that Barack Obama is a downright impressive guy. His speeches are empassioned and nonmechanical. He doesn’t come across as a politician, he comes across as a leader. And while the die-hards will say that we don’t care what the world thinks, the world will like us a lot more with someone like him in office.
Now, it’s not all peaches and cream on the way to the white house, especially for a black politican (he’s actually only half black, but the ignorant among us fail to see the other half; these are the people who came up with the term ‘octaroon’). Forget the fact that he doesn’t have an anglican name (and you KNOW someone will try to make a connection between Obama and Osama…just wait on that). The man is the wrong color for a lot of people in this country, far more than we would care to believe. And in all likelihood, somewhere on the campaign trail or during his term, some racist Sum’bitch is going to try to shoot him. Colin Powell’s wife talked him out of a presidential bid for this exact reason. As progressive as we like to think we are, the confederate flag is still a major part of the Southern culture, and the “they’re takin’ over!” mentality will only be goaded further by a black candidate or president.
Personally, I think there is a visibly important component to Obama as a president and it’s not his skin color. It’s his age. America has only been around for 230 years, yet we have this image of being archaic already. A little revolution every now and then is a good thing, and I’ll betcha Obama can provide it. Here’s hoping he goes for it.
It Puts the Lotion in the Basket October 4, 2006
Posted by rosolio in Common Sense, Politics, World.add a comment
It’s been a long time – a good sixty years or so – since we’ve really encountered a crazy person with his finger on the button. In defense of foreign policies, the governments of both the United States and Soviet Union have tossed the ‘madman’ label out there. Saddam Hussein was given that label quite recently, but there’s a difference between ‘evil’ and ‘crazy.’ Sure, Hussein gassed boatloads of Kurds, but he wasn’t doing so indiscriminately. If he was really as out of his mind as we’d like to believe, he would have brought the genocide out into the streets and made no effort whatsoever to hide it. And as off-his-ass nuts as Hitler was, he had a cadre of handlers (re: sane people) who kept all of his crimes against humanity on the downlow. This stems from Bond movies: every bad guy who sits across the justice scale from 007 is both evil and out of his mind. We fused them together in the 1960s and like chocolate covered pretzels, we prefer to have them together. It’s much less disconcerting when the bad guy is maniacal. We can separate ourselves from them by turning them into a sub-human beast. It’s the ones who are calm and composed and so very…human…that we have trouble with. The Silence of the Lambs is a great example. We like our adversaries to be closer to Buffalo Bill than Hannibal Lecter; we’d prefer to see Hussein stumbling around in front of a camera with a wig on sporting the Full Tuck. The problem is that years of assigning Crazy to Merely Bad people has left us totally unprepared for Real Deal Crazy.
Kim Jong Il is textbook crazy. We were concerned that Hussein was hiding weapons of mass destruction, but KJI flaunts his efforts to get them. We’re nervous about nomadic Al-Qaeda wannabes sneaking a dirty bomb into a subway car, and KJI announces his plans to test a nuclear weapon that could have horrible environmental effects on the East Asian Region. We’re so nervous about our image in the world that we don’t have the stones any longer to handle this the way we need to. If North Korea, a nation duped into believing that their humunculous bespectacled leader created the goddamn world, obtains nuclear capabilities, there is no reason NOT to believe that they won’t take a potshot at Juneau or San Francisco or Los Angeles. They have nothing to lose, with the fuckin messiah in their corner. I’m not necessarily saying we should flatten North Korea now, but there’s going to be a time in the not too distant future where the people we trust with our national decisions are going to have a doozy on their dockets. Humanitarianism aside, this could very possibly reach Us or Them territory. We’ll see how we react when we get there. Until then, we can continue to make fun of the tiny Dr. No of the 47th parallel and hope to high hell he can’t get the recipe right.
Common Sense Man: Global Warming, Great Apes, and other Bedtime Stories May 1, 2006
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Rush Limbaugh does not believe in global warming. While the term ‘believe’ may seem out of place there, it’s because it is his own. He and many of his acolytes are under the distinct impression that global warming is a mythic abstraction that is accepted or rejected by the respective sides, despite boatloads of physical evidence. I for one would like to counter by saying that I do not believe in orangutans. I have never seen one, and am guessing that the ones featured on TV and in print are simply baboons wearing costumes.
Is he insane? Clearly not; he’s made multiple millions countering intelligent discourse with shouting and throat-wobbling (I’m not sure exactly how else to describe it, but if you hear the man talk, it sounds very much like he has a neck 94 inches in circumference; the acoustics in this man are similar to that of a gigantic festival tent that has collapsed on the band who, because they don’t get paid if they don’t play, power through the distraction). There is no such thing as an idiot-millionaire, but there is certainly such thing as a millionaire who plays an idiot on TV (or the radio). On the list of truly vile and dangerous people, he cannot possibly overtake Ann Coulter, for the sole reason that he is often seen as a sideshow, and not as a real person. However, he does preach a doctrine of seperatism and hate, so it’s always nice to watch him roll down a few notches.
The Jabba the Hutt of the AM dial is in the news for pleading guilty to prescription drug fraud. He went to three different doctors to load up on three supersized orders of OxyContin. It’s looking like he’s getting away with five years probation, but he’s already cracked once (the first warning was in 2003), so it’s likely it’ll happen again. Even if he doesn’t see the inside of a jail cell, at least we’ll get a chance to see if Limbaugh believes in constipation, nausea, somnolence, dizziness, vomiting, pruritus, headache, dry mouth, sweating, and asthenia. Then again, side effects could be part of the Jewish-Liberal media agenda as well…
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In more pressing, less morbidly obese news, the Sudanese Government is drafting a proposal to end the violence in Darfur. While this is the most optimism yet to appear from the situation, things are not looking tremendously positive. That is, it is very unlikely that the rebel groups and/or the Janjaweed are going to accept any kind of deal.
With all of the attention on Iraq and terrorism, immigration and race relations, the situation in Darfur is and has been the worst conflict in the world for the last three years. Obviously, we can’t all pull a Lord Byron and join the war, and, frankly, it is not in the interests of any world power to intervene. The best we can do is pay attention. Eventually, we may have some kind of a voice in determining the future of Darfur, and when that time comes, it’s a plus to know about it so it doesn’t get swept under the rug.
Ann Coulter: Lunatic March 28, 2006
Posted by rosolio in Common Sense, Media, Politics, Racism.add a comment
There is an old trope of writing that I’ve always chosen to ignore, and that’s beginning an essay with a thesis statement. This time is going to be different, however, because I believe Ann Coulter to be completely insane.
I don’t really need all that much evidence here; there isn’t an intelligent person on the planet who could possibly disagree. They may agree with her politics, that’s perfectly fine, but even the most extreme right-wing-prayer-in-schools-anti-gay-marriage-pro-racial-profiling Republicans know that she’s out of her mind. But she’s their lunatic, so it’s okay. It’s exactly the same way that Democrats view Michael Moore and his self-righteous struggle against the Bush family. Moore and Coulter are equal on the level of hyperbole and showmanship, although Moore’s doctrine is incendiary where Coulter’s is hateful. The woman was quoted as wishing Timothy McVeigh blew up the New York Times building, and in the next sentence calls people who are against the war in Iraq traitorous anti-patriots. She’s not the guy from Memento, okay, she’s just a walking contradiction: a New England born New Yorker who hates the blue states like they’re the Red Menace.
There are people who agree with Ann Coulter’s statements; her legion of acolytes who think Rush Limbaugh is too moderate (quick sidenote: while an unquestionably dangerous spewer of disinformation, Limbaugh is less dangerous than Coulter for the sole reason that he is a caricature. He comes out and says that global warming is impossible, using theology as evidence. His credibility is so out there after getting torn to shreds by Al Franken that he’s really nothing more than a guy on the side of the road with a “The Apocalypse Is Coming!” sign and a tiny tip jar). Coulter’s posse is made up of two kinds of people: people who like her because she’s loud and brash and angers democrats. If you hate your neighbor, you’re going to smile whenever the pit bull from across the street takes a shit on his lawn. You know it’s a bad thing, but you love seeing the neighbor have to get out the shovel and clean it up. The other kind of person who loves this vile harpy uses the word/phrase “Sum’bitch.” They own a great deal of Larry the Cable Guy memorabilia, including a “Git-R-Done” shotglass. They see an honor in being simple and view intelligent people, no matter how modest, as arrogant. They often utter the sentence: “I don’t have a problem with them, they have a problem with me.” They’ve all used Rush Limbaugh as a gateway drug, thinking they are graduating from radio evangelism to Big Boy Politics, even though their Athena of serrated jingoism is just as criminally misinformed as the fat man of the AM dial.
Coulter hides under her rain-delay-tarp of free speech (which she only sees as constitutional law when it applies to her), saying the millions of people who loudly call her out on her shit are anti-American because they are attempting to squelch her right to free speech. I am not saying she should not be permitted to belt out her message of militant partisanship. One day, like Joe McCarthy, William Jennings Bryan, and David Duke, Coulter’s voice will get a little quieter as the rest of the world starts to tune her out. That’s the end of the road for a zealot. The sooner people stop listening, the sooner she’ll shut the hell up.
Rotten in Denmark? February 4, 2006
Posted by rosolio in Common Sense, Media, Politics, Racism, Terrorism, World.add a comment
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or just don’t have any interest in international news you’re going to have heard about this (if your idea of international events revolves entirely around Simon Cowell, you’d better hurry and go vote for this week’s “Who Wants to Marry My Cat” on Fox). To make a long story short, a Danish newspaper decided it would be prudent/hilarious/incendiary to publish a week-long series of illustrations depicting the prophet Muhammad as a psychotic terrorist with a bomb-shaped turban (By the way, according to the Qu’ran, you can’t depict the image of Muhammad at all in any fashion, good or bad. So the fact that he’s drawn like a terrorist is irrelevant in many eyes). Before we get into the actual topic here, let’s get this out of the way: can a Western nation, powerful or otherwise, repeatedly make sweeping judgments and openly mock a gigantic organization of people who are currently embroiled in a culture war with the predominately Christian and Jewish West?
You can’t do that.
(The Can You Do That? feature will be launching shortly. Consider this an appetizer, a little piece of toast with cream cheese and smoked salmon. Main course to follow.)
Anyway, so the Danes made a mistake, I think that’s clear. A lot of people are trying to play the Freedom of the Press card, forgetting of course that the Bill of Rights does not cover the entire world and that America’s laws do not apply in every corner of the globe. It’s alarming, but true, there are other nations with other governments. Even the people who argue that our policies are always correct and that the citizens of foreign nations would have better lives if they adopted our ways can’t disagree with this one. When you satirize someone who looks differently and acts differently than your majority does, you’re just begging for someone to get offended. If Al-Jazzera, the Fair and Balanced Fox News of the Middle East, responded to the outbreak of sexual assault by priests with images of Jesus (H. Christ) engaged in deviant activity with small boys, you’d see Rumsfeld and Cheney tossing the phrase “act of war” around. So something’s rotten in the state of Denmark, they showed staggeringly poor judgment (this wouldn’t be the first time; historians have found Danish illustrations of Fortinbras wearing a baby bonnet and holding a rattle). Because the ratio of psychotic fundamentalist muslims to laid back muslims is about the same as rainy days in Tucson, yeah, the Danes were out of line.
That being said…look at the result.
The Danish embassy in Jakarta was stormed (a word forever associated with the Bastille) by angry protesters. The protesters did not reach the embassy itself, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying. Danish flags and effigies of the Prime Minister of Denmark were burned in the streets around the world. Gunmen raid the EU office in Gaza demanding an apology. Death threats were mailed to the newspaper and Denmark’s government officials.
This is not exactly a rational response. While a lot of people do not want to say it, one of the reasons so many apologies are being issued is that no one in Denmark wants to get blown up. And you know what? Everyone in the world right now, no matter how free thinking and accepting of all peoples, thinks it’s about to happen.
You do not protest a blasphemous cartoon by acting them out. You do not challenge people who make sweeping judgments by making your own. It wasn’t like the Government of Denmark released an image of Muhammad doing something ridiculous and declared it their new national seal. The country is being blamed for something that happened in a newspaper. That’s like a family in Brooklyn being called insensitive over a controversial cartoon in the New Yorker. That doesn’t exactly follow.
Attention Middle Eastern and Islamic nations: if you want people to stop depicting your religion as one based in violence and lunacy, stop reacting to controversy with violence and lunacy. There are civilized ways to do this, the world was already on your side in this matter. Those M-16 bullets don’t have to burn a hole in your pocket, you’ll have another chance to fire them into the air. Chill out.
A great example to follow is the one taken by Ali al-Sistani, the Grand Ayatollah of Iraq who, in the same speech, condemned the drawings while making no call for protests, suggesting that militant Muslims were partly to blame for distorting Islam’s image (MSNBC, 2/3). The true leadership of Islam understands what’s going on and knows that they are responsible for policing the out-of-control members of their following. The Vatican is equally responsible for keeping a leash on their fundamentalist Christian groups. The Philadelphia Eagles as an organization are responsible for keeping their fans from throwing batteries at opposing players and fans (there’s actually an NFL mandate penalizing a home team 15 yards if the fans throw things on the field; they hold the team responsible). Every group has its share of crazies and it is up to the leadership to keep them under control, lest their whole group gets lumped under the same umbrella.
-Mike Rosolio
