Please Judge November 28, 2007
Posted by rosolio in Politics, Racism, Terrorism, World.Tags: gibbons, islam, khartoum, muhammad, sudan, teddy bear
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In the words of the great Adam Carolla, “Every culture is beautiful and we cannot judge.”
I can hear the nasally sarcasm from the Prophet of North Hollywood already, and hope that this story makes its way across his desk at KLSX just so I can hear him explode with a rage similar to my own about this story. When you’re mad, you want other people to be mad, I think because angry people by themselves are assholes, but when there are many, angry people are just right.
The finest news source in the world, the BBC, released this morning the story of Gillian Gibbons. She’s a 54 year old teacher from Liverpool who heads a class in the Sudanese capital of Khartoum. She’s obviously not there for the cheesesteaks or the skiing; this is clearly a humanitarian effort. You look at a picture of this woman and know that she’d be really good at reading to kids. And then you see she’s going to jail.
And then you see why.
Naming teddy bears in the class, one of her students wanted to name a bear after himself. His name is Muhammad. Because Gibbons allowed it, she’s being charged with insulting religion, inciting hated, and showing contempt for religious beliefs. Here’s the rationale:
“… chapter 42, verse 11 of the Koran does say: “[Allah is] the originator of the heavens and the earth… [there is] nothing like a likeness of Him.”
This is taken by Muslims to mean that Allah cannot be captured in an image by human hand, such is his beauty and grandeur. To attempt such a thing is seen as an insult to Allah.” [from the BBC]
What I’m about to say is not an indictment of every Muslim on the planet, or every religious person on the planet, because I do know that not everyone who believes in something is crazy.
But I do know that the people who believe Gibbons is a criminal are. They’re completely insane. They’re cavemen. You know how I know? Because of the punishments for the crime: Six months in jail (think less Prison Break and more Ben Hur), a fine, or 40 lashes. They’re going to whip this woman like she gave Ramses the stink eye. Retro.
Situations like this separate the civilized people from the cavemen. Who seems less crazy:
“This is a disgraceful decision and defies common sense. There was clearly no intention on the part of the teacher to deliberately insult the Islamic faith,” said Secretary-General Dr Muhammad Abdul Bari, in a strongly-worded statement.
“We call upon the Sudanese President, Omar al-Bashir, to intervene in this case without delay to ensure that Ms Gibbons is freed from this quite shameful ordeal.”
Or…
“What has happened was not haphazard or carried out of ignorance, but rather a calculated action and another ring in the circles of plotting against Islam,” the Sudanese Assembly of the Ulemas said a statement. [both quotes from the BBC]
Calculated action?!? This woman moved to your third world country to help the next generation possibly shake that moniker, but is really coming in as an act of holy war? Don’t you get the impression that somewhere in the Sudanese assembly, or maybe it’s just the Fundamentalist Islam manual (copyright Penguin 632 c.e.), that you have a conversion chart, where thousands of actions in the left column each correspond with one line on the left: “Conspiring against Islam”? This sort of psychotic religious paranoia is reminiscent of another crazy guy with loyal followers and facial hair (though admittedly, a lot less).
If a court in Alabama did something like this, we’d revoke their statehood and ban the Crimson Tide from the BCS. But because the people signing up a humanitarian to get beaten for giving a teddy bear (not a pile of shit, but a cuddly, wuddly teddy bear) the most common name in that part of the world are a different color than us, we have to tread lightly, because then we might be called racists or jingoists. Isn’t it more racist to have a different set of moral rules for people, like we don’t hold them to the same standards as us? Isn’t part of getting past petty differences to treat people the same, and holding white, black, brown, and yellow (like the Simpsons) people accountable when they’re being crazy?
We like to call ourselves the beacon of morality in the world. We lose that if we don’t judge.
Ace man, back me up.
Steve Perry, take us out… June 11, 2007
Posted by rosolio in Media, Movies, TV, Terrorism.add a comment
I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet that at least 50% of the people who have Don’t Stop Believin’ stuck in their head this morning will be weighing in on The Sopranos finale. A similarly large number probably cursed the name of Comcast, thinking their signal died the second the series ended in the spectacular cosa nostra crescendo everyone was betting on happening. The quick and easy explanation is the David Chase was flipping off the pundits and talking heads who debated whether Tony Soprano went down in a blaze of glory or vanished forever in witness protection. You’ve heard everyone else’s two cents, why not hear mine.
The last episode was about fear.
You’ve got A.J.’s awakening to the ills of the world and a sudden urge to do something about it. This wasn’t out of rage, but out of paranoia. His anger at Bobby Bacala’s funeral at the mundane conversation wasn’t in the Michael Moore “You Should Be Outraged!” vein. It was more “things are horrible and you’re just trying to distract yourself.” Tony and Carmela consulted A.J.’s psychitrist out of fear for their son’s safety. They expressed similar concern, although less so, over the impending marriage of Meadow. Sure, two lawyers getting married doesn’t seem like cause for concern, but every parent is worried about their kids. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t care. And then you have Tony visiting a senile Uncle Junior, afraid he was going to be taken advantage of by his conniving sister.
Mostly, you have a scenario where Tony will be afraid for the rest of his life. Every time that bell in the diner opened, he, like everyone watching, was terrified it was going to be a hitman seeking revenge for Phil Leotardo, or maybe Furio, or the Russian who escaped in the woods, or the Feds with enough evidence to put him away. “The Life [He] Had Chosen” was no longer simply the way things were. It was uncomfortable. And maybe that was the ultimate evolution of Tony Soprano. The matter-of-fact mafioso now had to look over his shoulder like everyone else. And he’ll do it for the rest of his life. And maybe that’s our future who wonder when we don’t have to worry about terrorism anymore. The War On Terrorism cannot be won because Terrorism doesn’t have a nation, flag, or shelflife. Neither does fear. Even though Tony vanquished Phil Leotardo, there’s always going to be another one. There, we’ve got some cultural significance.
Great show, great finale. With The Sopranos gone and Deadwood about to rap up (don’t know when), HBO has only The Wire, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Entourage (a series at a serious crossroads) to carry the torch. They’ve thrown a thousand new shows up, every single one of them previewed before the Sopranos and one, John From Cincinnati, premiering right afterwards. While HBO execs were obviously thinking that JFC (not too soon for an abbreviation, is it?) would benefit from viewers too catatonic to change the channel after the Sopranos faded to black, I argue it had the opposite effect. I was willing to give it a shot, but was too shell-shocked to give a damn. All I caught was Luke Perry on a beach sounding like the teacher on The Peanuts: waa-waa-waa-waa…right, you can’t really read that. Whatever, you know what I’m talking about.
A few random things:
-Saw Ocean’s Thirteen and enjoyed it. It wasn’t anywhere close to the first one, but after the huge steaming pile of flop that was the second (or twelfth), I don’t think anyone was expecting it to. A lot of people were ready to hate it because it was just basically a camera turned on a bunch of A-List celebrities having a good time, kind of like an US Weekly with a caper soundtrack. Going in ready to hate it isn’t the right move, it’s a good time.
-I think Transformers is going to either break the $100million opening weekend or it’s going to collapse like River Phoenix at the Viper Room. Either is a distinct possibility. It would be hilarious to watch it gross like $30million and having the producers go, “Wait…WAIT…this is what you wanted! Why in the hell didn’t you see this?” It’s a movie based on toys from the 80s. Hot Wheels: Tokyo Drift isn’t going to catch Spiderman either.
-Moving is insanely expensive. It’s about $1,200 to rent a Uhaul. That doesn’t include the convicted sex offender I’d try to pay to move it. I shouldn’t say that, not all movers are convicted sex offenders. Some plead no contest.
-Don’t stop….belieeeeevin’… Son of a bitch, where’s The Final Countdown when you need it? And how much different would the ending have been if Europe was blasting on the jukebox? Or Rock Me Amadeus? Okay, so 80s stuff is sort of coming back, but that music all blows ass, let’s be honest. I can appreciate Party All The Time for what it is; concrete evidence that cocaine can make anything happen. Too bad we can’t FTD a few kilos to Axl and Slash, with forged notes from each other. Let’s bring that one back.
-I’ve got 8 1/2 hours on a plane tomorrow. I’m pretty sure I could get to Spain on that.
Rotten in Denmark? February 4, 2006
Posted by rosolio in Common Sense, Media, Politics, Racism, Terrorism, World.add a comment
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or just don’t have any interest in international news you’re going to have heard about this (if your idea of international events revolves entirely around Simon Cowell, you’d better hurry and go vote for this week’s “Who Wants to Marry My Cat” on Fox). To make a long story short, a Danish newspaper decided it would be prudent/hilarious/incendiary to publish a week-long series of illustrations depicting the prophet Muhammad as a psychotic terrorist with a bomb-shaped turban (By the way, according to the Qu’ran, you can’t depict the image of Muhammad at all in any fashion, good or bad. So the fact that he’s drawn like a terrorist is irrelevant in many eyes). Before we get into the actual topic here, let’s get this out of the way: can a Western nation, powerful or otherwise, repeatedly make sweeping judgments and openly mock a gigantic organization of people who are currently embroiled in a culture war with the predominately Christian and Jewish West?
You can’t do that.
(The Can You Do That? feature will be launching shortly. Consider this an appetizer, a little piece of toast with cream cheese and smoked salmon. Main course to follow.)
Anyway, so the Danes made a mistake, I think that’s clear. A lot of people are trying to play the Freedom of the Press card, forgetting of course that the Bill of Rights does not cover the entire world and that America’s laws do not apply in every corner of the globe. It’s alarming, but true, there are other nations with other governments. Even the people who argue that our policies are always correct and that the citizens of foreign nations would have better lives if they adopted our ways can’t disagree with this one. When you satirize someone who looks differently and acts differently than your majority does, you’re just begging for someone to get offended. If Al-Jazzera, the Fair and Balanced Fox News of the Middle East, responded to the outbreak of sexual assault by priests with images of Jesus (H. Christ) engaged in deviant activity with small boys, you’d see Rumsfeld and Cheney tossing the phrase “act of war” around. So something’s rotten in the state of Denmark, they showed staggeringly poor judgment (this wouldn’t be the first time; historians have found Danish illustrations of Fortinbras wearing a baby bonnet and holding a rattle). Because the ratio of psychotic fundamentalist muslims to laid back muslims is about the same as rainy days in Tucson, yeah, the Danes were out of line.
That being said…look at the result.
The Danish embassy in Jakarta was stormed (a word forever associated with the Bastille) by angry protesters. The protesters did not reach the embassy itself, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying. Danish flags and effigies of the Prime Minister of Denmark were burned in the streets around the world. Gunmen raid the EU office in Gaza demanding an apology. Death threats were mailed to the newspaper and Denmark’s government officials.
This is not exactly a rational response. While a lot of people do not want to say it, one of the reasons so many apologies are being issued is that no one in Denmark wants to get blown up. And you know what? Everyone in the world right now, no matter how free thinking and accepting of all peoples, thinks it’s about to happen.
You do not protest a blasphemous cartoon by acting them out. You do not challenge people who make sweeping judgments by making your own. It wasn’t like the Government of Denmark released an image of Muhammad doing something ridiculous and declared it their new national seal. The country is being blamed for something that happened in a newspaper. That’s like a family in Brooklyn being called insensitive over a controversial cartoon in the New Yorker. That doesn’t exactly follow.
Attention Middle Eastern and Islamic nations: if you want people to stop depicting your religion as one based in violence and lunacy, stop reacting to controversy with violence and lunacy. There are civilized ways to do this, the world was already on your side in this matter. Those M-16 bullets don’t have to burn a hole in your pocket, you’ll have another chance to fire them into the air. Chill out.
A great example to follow is the one taken by Ali al-Sistani, the Grand Ayatollah of Iraq who, in the same speech, condemned the drawings while making no call for protests, suggesting that militant Muslims were partly to blame for distorting Islam’s image (MSNBC, 2/3). The true leadership of Islam understands what’s going on and knows that they are responsible for policing the out-of-control members of their following. The Vatican is equally responsible for keeping a leash on their fundamentalist Christian groups. The Philadelphia Eagles as an organization are responsible for keeping their fans from throwing batteries at opposing players and fans (there’s actually an NFL mandate penalizing a home team 15 yards if the fans throw things on the field; they hold the team responsible). Every group has its share of crazies and it is up to the leadership to keep them under control, lest their whole group gets lumped under the same umbrella.
-Mike Rosolio
